COUNTING DAY BY DAY
Sunday, 26 July 2009
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To compeletely forget is easy, but to remember it with a smile is more difficult. It's just that... everyone got something to remember... even though the past is just like a sad smile. I have so much of some little pieces I couldn't share with anyone, anytime.. When I look at him, I have a feeling that all the old days return when I was drowned in it.. it is helpless, yet it makes me strong, and leads me through childish emotion. At least, I could be deep...
When I heard of Dem nam mo pho, suddenly I'm chilled out. It's as if I heard his voice whispering the old songs... the 3 of us in the dark small room, only lighted by candles.. it was really, really faraway and untouchable, right? 360 has closed, and that little secret is buried, forever, and I even can't remember the username to log on... Yes, it's only the memory, because today we're just strangers to yesterday.
You know what? We are not rich. I'm poor, empty, and broken. With the way I am living now. Somehow I need to be alone, and do everything the way I should..
Sunday, 23 March 2008
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It's still me, however
Today, I read my friend's blog. Well it's not a strange feeling yet it brought tears to my eyes. It's just, well, I have never thought that she could think like that about me and my emotion. But I'm no more in pain, maybe it's just I got used to it, or maybe she's not an important one to me to affect me anymore? If it's a stranger then no matter how hard she hurts me it's nothing.
I don't care if my feeling makes others feel bad or disgusting. I do not call myself a fan anymore and they're not something I wear to make me look like a queen, it's not. I don't feel like I have to explain to anybody about just my past. But people often looks down on others's feeling, that's why I never care how they consider mine.
Well it's almost a loser's thought if you're going to watch me cry over my idol's stuff coz it's my problem and it got no harms to you, a'ight? You can consider you a fan and me not and I do agree with you coz I gave you the 1st album of his and it was yours becoz I considered you a fan of his, not me. I let you keep it coz I know you would treasure it more carefully than me and you really do. But well when you don't stand in others' shoes you have no right to blame them for anything. It's my old, old fault since I was a young girl and till now I still feel bad about how I always blamed people and got in others' problem juz becoz I wasn't happy with the way it was going. I, too, know I hurt others with my cruel words and now everything turns back and fight against me. It's okay, it's not a big deal, I can deal with that, I can live with that. But hey, you're an adult now, you should know how to behave in front of this life.
I do agree with you that to let bad words come off your mouth and insult others must feel very good, but how about when they read it and how they think about you? I do not think anything bad about you coz I just do not understand. I'm just innocent. Well not innocent with the meaning "crimeless", it's "naive". I'm not a badhearted one, I do not mean to harm anybody and I do not hate anybody. It's juz my mouth that makes others think that I'm evil. Well I juz don't care to explain. I, too, sometimes want to insult some friends, sometimes have some problem with ya, but I didn't do anything. Didn't write down anything. Didn't call you and say, hey, I hate you. Coz when you're angry, you cannot control yourself and even when you don't mean that you still let you say something bad and hurtful. I know you still consider me a friend, that's why you didn't write it on your 360 blog, you do not want me to read it. But you know. Since you wrote it down, you let some chances that I could read it be. And in 1% of that chance, I took it and read. And I felt hurt a lil bit. I could understand and I could sympathize but I feel uneasy. Well I would not do that if I were you anyway
Well and to my old idols. You're a part of my heart, though a locked part and left one. I lock you into a box and leave it in a dark corner in my heart yet I swallowed the key. I ban every chances to go back and find you. But anytime, anywhere, if something's gonna happen, my senses tell me and once again, the old images raise up and the tears run down. I do not regret meeting you, I do not regret leaving you, coz since I live my life, I could see all that past with the widening eyes and brand new thought, realizing how beautiful it was. But you know what? I gotta go. I would not find you anymore. I would not live a life in which you are everything anymore. But it doesn't mean that I could smile and laugh whenever you got hurt.
Sooner or later, you'll see that those arguments mean nothing, just mark your immature side. Adults do not argue. Coz they do understand what is not needed to speak out loud. And they do understand that what is not their problem shouldn't be mattered.
Well I'm off.
Monday, 17 September 2007
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Nothing much.
Just wanna say.There's some real bitches and whores. And gigolo.
Sunday, 02 September 2007
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Currently Listening
Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)
By Eurythmics
see relatedSweet dreams
Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree
Travel the world and the seven seas
Everybody's looking for something
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abuse
You're really pathetic.
I look down on you.
I sympathize you.
I don't want to look at you.
Such a pathetic creation
How do you want me to see you?Poor girl. You even don't know that to me it's worst tobe enemy. You tried to be cool in front of me, you tried to act disgustingly. Deep inside, you want ma attention. Sorry to say, it doesn't make sense to me. It makes you look real ridiculous. I really sympathize you. It's so hard to look at you. I always feel bad when looking at something that much ridiculous
. Sorry but could you please don't care about me anymore?
Without me, is it that hard to survive?
Well, you couldn't make me even hate you.
You're, just, ridiculous and pathetic so much that I couldn't stand even looking at you by my own eyes.
You pathetic bitches.
Tuesday, 28 August 2007
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Currently Listening
The Reason
By Hoobastank
see relatedWe can't go back to yesterday
Find out the lyrics yourself.
How do I want it? For your family to die? Curse your family? Please wake up. I have no idea of doing that. Imagining things must be a bad habit of yours. In my opinion, I don't find it interesting even a lil bit. You're you. I'm me. We're now nothing more than strangers. I walked out of your life. Same for you. So why must you keep blaming me for all the bad luck happened to you? I just don't have time to waste. I've got a life, a real life to live. I told you many times when we were together, that you should have learned to have some guts yourself if you wanna live peacefully. Be strong so you can overcome all things come in your life. A friend who left you is included.
Of course I'm stronger than you. I hurt you badly when I left you. That's the best way for you to learn to hate me and to forget me. I too learnt how to look at you at your own value. I'm not thinkin high of you anymore. It's much different from when we were still friends. Now we're completely strangers, so if you are bad I will look down on you, if you're good I'll consider you. Is that not enuff? You still want more?
It's never can we turn back time and be together like the past.
We could not.
I hurt you badly enuff for me to find difficulty talking to you. And I too don't want that. We have nothing to discuss about. I thought that must be real' late. If you can talk me over before maybe things wouldn't turn out like this. But anyway, if it's not now, then it will be another time, and for sure you'll be hurt real deep. More than ever.I just want you to know
I've found out a reason for me
To change the way I used tobe
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you
So, live your life.
I've got a reason when I left you.
I don't regret it.
You too, learn how to step by your own feet.
I won't be there to rescue you anymore.
Just like before.
Thursday, 26 July 2007
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So for now, let me live
Well you do want me to write something private in somewhere private. Okay I will do so. Or maybe I should learn Korean or Spanish in order for you to not to understand what I am saying, huh? It's my privacy, girls. Respect it. You do have my heart for such a long time. But you don't know who you are. You think too high of you. What are you? Huh? What are you? Don't tell me I hurt you. I always hurt ones around me. Especially ones close to me. I always love to see how much I influent others after saying goodbye to them. But when it's you, I just don't give a shit. What does it mean, girl? It means you mean nothing to me now. Nothing. Competely empty. I don't want to get involved with you. I don't know if you mean me or not. But the way you act like you're cool make me feel sick. One should know their possibility and whatnot.
Look at you. Have you ever thought of the reason why people look down on you? Keep avoiding you? Mad at you? Sick of you? Don't you know how pathetic you are? And you, do you know that you're really ridiculous? You're a fake? Hah. I always keep that feeling inside of me, whenever I'm hanging around with you two, I have to stand the glare from others. You're NOT admired, girls. You freak people out. They're making fun of you. And I am, since I'm your friend, I couldn't do or say anything. But now, I can say it. You're dead meat. Go and change yourself before I became obssessed. I hate, and sympathize pathetic one. I wanted to change them. But you, are failure. You're not confident now. You're arrogant for nothing. And it's what makes me feel sick.
Do you think you're sexy? With those clumsy movements? No, don't show it to anyone. I'll be embrassed instead. Because you really don't know it's ridiculous. I just couldn't tell you that. I know how to dance, a lil bit. And I know I look kinda stupid doing that. But I love it, so I keep dancing. But I never thought that I would be so sexy or bitchy or anything like that doing so. It's just ridiculous desiring that kind of thing. You have other way to show yourself, not just showing that you're thick-skinned or bitchy. Don't keep telling yourself that you don't care what others think of you when actually you do.
Do you think you're artistic? With the way you talk big but never do understand what simple things mean? Hah. Keep telling me that you treasure your hair, that it means so much to you, and show it everytime you're hang around with me, just because length is all your hair has. And now, when you cut your hair [after such a long time gaining courage, I think so], saying that "oh, ah, I'm young, I'm cute, this hairstyle suits me". Do you know that I wasted tears remembering the past? But oh well, girl, the past is the past. In the past, never did I consider you important, so don't worry, even if you cut your hair or cut your head, it's your problem, I won't get involved with it. It's just, I didn't treasure wrong one
I just hope, don't be obsessed over me, don't talk about me, don't think of me. I'm what had been cut off from your life and I don't want to come back. I'm leading a better life than ever without involving with ones I have to stand. You should do so. Don't ever act crazily and patheticly in front of my eyes, don't read ma blog, don't touch my world. Stay away from me. Keep yourself from me. Do not care about whatever I blah. I hope you could do so.
And, R.I.P, our lost friendship. I won't remember, so please don't remember it too.
And if you still want to remember it, please don't go here and act cool like "who do u think u are to ban me from remembering blah blah", because I'll pay back completely whatever I've recieved. And it's not a good scene after one friendship has gone.
/Kamui.
Friday, 29 June 2007
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Don't cry, baby.
Little little boy... don't cry.
I'm so sorry for saying that harsh.
It's my fault.
Will not stick my nose into your prob anymore.
But that's not what I want.
That you and that one separated, that you have to keep yourself far from him.
It's cruel enuff.
I didn't mean that.
But you have to live
Not because you have a reason
Just because you have a life
Wednesday, 01 November 2006
Friday, 06 October 2006
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Another peaceful day '___' V
I have been going to university for over 2 weeks. Many thing has happened. Funny, I feel more energetic, but anyway, still want to draw. After only 1 weeks studying carefully, now I started skipping class and sleeping and drawing during the classtime '______________' oh what a feeling...Deathnote has been published again. '______________________' Deadly in love with L and LxRaito couple.
The last time I didn't read it, just because I thought I would feel terrible if I saw the way Raito smirk when L died...now I'm drawing a doujinshi for them...I really really don't want them to apart....><...oh, jerk, that's the way they call woman's belief...="=... Love me as I'm free...I'm going na finish it soon...more and more kiss and doing sumthing scene...only light yaoi, but...hum...I think L is too girlie but anyway he is an uke '___' V. Personally, I don't like Raito, I feel that he is too childish and he hasn't thought carefully using Deathnote, and everything he did after L appeared was just to hide himself...someone like that couldn't save this world. Kira was wrong. I thought that. '____' But still, L died, and finally Raito would too, but he was like Hitler... said proudly but died cowardly...
This was ma new pix that I've juz editted '___' V Cute bunny, rite?
Saturday, 29 July 2006
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Hum...long time no see
Such a long time since the last time I wrote sum stupid thing here. Look at my last entry and I don't understand how the hell I could think that I was in love. Hum, with such a boy like that. No, he's good, he's kind, and many good thing. But, anyway, like someone said, he isn't for me, and I don't need it. Bleh.
I started to forget all. All about what I've felt, all about friendship, don't have things to love, to hate, don't want to do anything. Sigh, what the fuck am I thinkin'? I don't know. Just waiting for the result of the University examination, and keep wondering if I can pass or not. Sucks. It sucks. Yap, not so many terrible thing but still can make one feel disgusting.
Let's think about a new relationship from an old friend ="=
Thursday, 06 April 2006
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It's so good tobe in love
With such a guy like that
. He's deadly cute, and cool, and manything...argh...he curses very well, and he's hard-workin', at least, 100 times more than me 
...I don't know what he feels about me, but at least, tobe in love and to have someone to take care for, is happiness 
.Though now I'm not satisfied with it, I don't know what I wanna do, just seeing him from faraway is enuff, or what I'm gonna do...Anyway, the graduation is in its way...I need tobe patient...and...maybe I'll let him go easily without thinkin' that we can meet again...
Tuesday, 07 February 2006
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Time is going on. Sometimes,I wondered, how I can change like that. From an innocent and happy little girl, now become a tired and doubting one. People say that I'm older than my age. Whatever. I'm not lovable like others in my age. I'm not interested in what attracts girls. I'm busy listening to music, feel every feeling the singer gives me. I'm busy drawing, gives the feeling to everyone who feels my arts. My classmate said that I was letting go many relationship.They said that they didn't want me to spend my time alone, drawing, becoz they can't understand what I'm doing. I just smile. It's my life,and my way. I'll just live like that, I can't believe someone can stop me.
But really, there's someone. My lover, my eternal lover. He appeared, make me feel, make me think that he's the one who was born to make me love him. I've never believed in destiny. But I believed. Up to now,I still believe. But I've never believed in "forever". Yes, I know fucking well that nothing can last forever. Everything will be fading like the dust in the wind.I'm now spending time doing nothing.Just cry thinkin' about myself,my road and my destination. I've thought that I can do anything just to make him smile. I'm so selfish, but I really can do anything. He's so far from me. Though I have to die, still,he won't shed a tear for me. Because we're strangers. Jang Woo Hyuk...Jang Woo Hyuk...dream...you're a dream...
I keep wondering...how many times I felt hurt? I still count it everyday, to remind me not to believe anymore.I won't believe anyone, though it maybe hurts my friends. Maybe I chose a too-lonely road. But isn't it my choice? I just let it go...my feeling oneday will be forgotten. Friends are the most dangerous enemies. Just don't believe, you'll never get hurt.
Geez...it's no fun sitting alone doing nothing but listening to "I'm sad". Tony, you really know how to kill a girl's heart. She'll commit suicide if she weren't me.But I,I must live to see, how the world's destroyed. I won't die easily like that. Anyway!
Monday, 06 February 2006
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I will forget ma dream...
I will forget my dream
Nothing is what it seems
I will effect you
I will protect you
From all the crazy schemesYou traded in your wings
For everything freedom brings
You never left me
You never let me
See what this feeling means
Everything that you feel
Is everything that I feel
So when we dream
We shout...We shout...
You say it's all complex
Passion can pass for less
We never bothered
Telling each other
What we were bound to guess
Will anybody care
We could go anywhere
Going through danger
Talking to strangers
Will there be someone there
Everything that you feel
Is everything that I feel
So when we dream
We shout...
We shout...
We shout...
We shout...I don't know what to say now....I'm just complicated. Whenever I heard this song, I felt like crying. My dream, my dream, you're just my dream. And I'm just a dreamer. I'm wandering, through the darkness and the fading of time, still feeling lost and feeling blue. You're faraway from me, and he is too. I know, I've lost so many thing, and till now, I don't want to hold it back. I just sit there, calmly seeing everything leaving me. Am I right or fucking wrong? I don't know. I don't care. Yes, I don't.... But why am I sad?
I'm sad...
Sunday, 05 February 2006
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Anotherday in Hell = =
Hwai...today is Sunday, and I've started going to skool again. But yesterday I skipped class = =. What a girl. Seems I have a long way to go. Hum...I'm really worrying about the upcoming examination, but still I play and play and play and draw and argh~~~ I'll fail ><, no! Xo. Help me XO
Have bought some cds of Kitaro. Anyway, he's a great musician. Love the "The song sisters theme" so much, the last time I listened to it, I cried :"]. Aaaa, embarassing :">. But the music can drive crazy. I still love T.A.T.u's music so much. They're such the girls, with all the complicated mind, with all the burning love, and doubting, and hatred. They spoke out my mind. Though my mind is just full of imagination and dream and dark thought.We used to love one another Give to eachother Lie under covers So are you friend or foe? I like those words so much. All the girls' love. Though they've pretended tobe les, but I don't care. Who knows if they were in love for real? The love of the teenage girls, who knows if it's true? We're just the strangers, the castle outsiders, we can't know everything they must stand. So hard to justify, that is. And I love the girls' love of Shyne. Especially S .O.S and Escape. They're so strong and powerful. They should be famous...but, sigh, those fucking deaf in Korea, BoA boA the hell, and Hyori, and those sexy puppets always spread their legs to gain popularity. They don't even know what true music is. They said they love Hiphop and R'n'B, but what the hell are they listening to? They can's stand a girl rapping, so from the very beginning, just shut the fuck up and tell me that they only SEE, they don't LISTEN. Argh....
This time, I don't usually remember Woo Hyuk and H.O.T. Sigh, maybe it came. The moment that I never want it to come. What can I do? Just thinkin' of forgetting H.O.T brings tears to my eyes. And I look at my lover, feeling empty. Everything has changed. I said that it's him who changed, but, finally, isn't it me who always change? I don't even know what's in my mind now...I thought I can't love, but really, I can. I thought I can't change, but really, I can. I loved, and I changed. Yes human beings are always like that. Love until they can't love anymore, and forget it, or keep it as a memory. But I can never keep anything as a memory. Everything will be fading, as the pental in the wind...I'm sorry...if that day is going to come...
My friends never know that the Flip Reverse Hyuk in my upcoming manga has the eyes of mine. Just see his lover as an imagination,a beautiful dream, but never dare to look at the ugly point of that one...and can't consider those points as normality. I said I've been hurt, but really, I just closed my eyes from seeing my lover expressing his true self. So, do I love him? This question, till now, I can't answer...
....
Bad, tired of repeating old questions. Just love, as much as I can, as far as I can go.
Wednesday, 01 February 2006
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Another simple day
Yap....another day in my life has been gone away *singing*
My earlope hurts...hwai...who wants it tobe hurt...yap...who wants to stick an ear-ring
. Arg, have to kill those two... Haha, my K.P.U.G, still play with eachother after so long ^^. Cmplicated, but comfortable. I hope it'll last long, and I can keep that feeling for a bit longer ^^.Anyway, I swear that God hates me, so he always wants to take something from me. Okay,okay, I'm a bad girl, and I don't like him too, so if he wants to kick my ass, it's no big deal, coz I'm the same .Gensho-chan still complain about the relationship between me and Ro. Geez, who cares anyway. Everyone has their own choice, and no one can predict future. Yes, she doesn't want me to lose any friend. But hey, me too! I think maybe I'm a bit bloodthirsting, but I really don't kill a fly! And how many times did I just shut the hell up seeing others hurt me without complain anything? Once in Kevils, once by Dark134, once by some mems of ChotiFarm, once by Ro, is it not enuff??? Oh my damn God, it's hell enuff! Now how can I say anything? Just shut up and do things they want? Ain't they satisfied? I'm tired. Tired enuff to let anything,which wants to escape from me, escape. And still they think of me as coldhearted. Oh yes, then I wouldn't be hurt many times like that ="=. I said it over and over again, don't trust anyone. Just play with them truly, but never do you trust them completely. Be careful in every relationships, because everytime this world is ready to poin finger at you and say GET LOST. It doesn't mean that I don't need a friend. I still need them, to know that I can talk normally, and I'm worth playing = =. But really I think it's enuff. No trust, no fear, no tear, no hurt. That is.
Tomorrow I'll have to come back to skool. The Tet Holiday has been over. And my expression now has been ruined completely. Okay, time to go to bed.
[Today I was waiting for Kyousuke-sama on Yim, but he didn't show up. Wondered which time he is online ^^'']
Tuesday, 31 January 2006
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Tet Holiday XD
Have juz made friend with such a guy ^^.He's so cu-te and hehe, for a long time I haven't feel comfortable like that. The University examination is coming up, and it's time for me to try. Wow...the Tet Holiday is worthy :P, after so long I can enjoy it truely. Many happy things happen on 1 occasion. It's wonderful. Though my scanner still doesn't work. Oi, the Tet Holiday is not much left, I must come back to skool, oh~~~ my~~~, it's not funny at all ><.[Have to ask Shakugan-sama how to design such a web like him = =.I know nothing about it = =]
KamuiJJang
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- Name: Kamui
- Country: Vietnam
- Metro: Hanoi
- Gender: Female
- Member Since: 1/31/2006
